Basically, the commenter called me (and my husband) stupid and irresponsible for having another child when we are struggling financially and have two special needs children.
Of course, the language was a lot more coarse and vulgar..but that was the basic idea.
So, I'd like to respond in a post.
But first,
Anonymous poster:
If you'd have cut out the nasty language, I'd have left the comment up. Think (and say) what you please, but no one uses those words on my blog. And in the future, if you have something to say, leave your name...unless you're too chicken to say it with your name attached. In which case, shut up. I have a feeling that either I know you somewhat or you spent a lot of time reading my blog. Interesting ;) Come on back. If you can use real words, I'll gladly take you on.
Now.
The subject at hand. Why are we having another child when we have two special needs children and are struggling financially?
I really had to think and think about how to format this post. I want to make clear what the Bible says about children, what we believe about children and how that effects our decisions.
First and foremost. The Bible says children are a blessing. PERIOD. Not 'they're great if you want them' or 'only when you can afford them' or 'be careful not to have too many and screw things up'. Nope. Children are a blessing. No caveats, no postscripts, no disclaimers.
As Christians, we are living for eternity. Not for now. Of course, our life on this earth matters, and what we do (or don't) in the here and now matters. But, in the long run, eternity is what matters. Yes, we're struggling financially right now. Lots of people in this country are right now. Do I really want to turn away another baby because right now is tough? Not so much. In 10 years, will I care that times were tough when I carried this baby? Not so much. Will I look at him/her and wish I'd never had him/her because times were tough? Of course not! We never go without. Our house is warm, our bellies are full, and our bills are paid. Everything else doesn't matter.
As far as having special needs kids. Yes. It's hard. Would I change it? No. Because God knows better than I. And although I battle against bitterness and anger, I still recognize that HE is sovereign and I am not. Special needs children are NOT a punishment. They aren't a warning to stop having kids now before it gets worse. They aren't a curse. They're still a blessing. Just in a different package than the world would like to see. Messier. Harder. Difficult. The world doesn't like messy. Or difficult. The world likes things to be just right. Well, it's not. Life is messy. And difficult. But I have HOPE. And that's what's key. I have hope in Christ Jesus. My struggles to raise my children are NOT in vain. They are for God's glory and furtherance of His plan. He loves my children even more than I do. How could He not? HE CREATED THEM. In all their messy, imperfect, difficult packaging.
THE SAME GOD THAT CREATED THE HEAVENS AND EARTH SIMPLY BY SPEAKING CREATED US. He created you. Me. He created each of my children in His time and for His purpose. Who am I to say, "No thanks. I don't want your blessing."
I love my precious babies. Each of them is a unique soul. Handcrafted by The Master. Each has a unique purpose in God's great plan for His children. At best, I can humbly thank Him and pray I glorify Him in raising them up.
I want to leave a legacy of children who love God. I want them to have children who love God. Because each child I raise to love God, is in turn, another soul to spread the Word of the love of Jesus Christ to the world.
For some reason I can't understand and could never even begin to grasp, the Lord has chosen to bless us with another child. At a time of huge transition for our family. A time filled with unknowns and lots of 'what ifs' on my part.
He has always provided.
That's the short version. I could go on and on. I really could!
In the end, I trust Him. He is the Author of life. He knows so much better than I.
Oh Lord! That I would even begin to be worthy...
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17 comments:
Hey, I am in total agreement with you on this one. If everyone waited until they were ready or had the money to have kids then guess what? Very few babies would be coming into this world.
I love the fact that you aren't afraid of having children because you have special needs kids. Those kids by the way, are AWESOME! I know they can be difficult and you hit it on the head, the world doesn't want anything different, or harder, but we are not of this world anymore. We are bought with the blood of Christ.
One day when we rise with Christ, those kids will be perfect, as they already are in His eyes.
Whom ever spoke against you guys should either come forward and be known to you, or not comment again. I mean come on people, if you have something to say thats ok but at least be man or woman enough to stand up and back what you say.
I love you guys, and all 6 of the kids!!!!!
Couldn't agree more. So happy for your family. :)
I love you! And your super awesome family!
Well said! I am expecting #5 and financially to possibly couldn't be worse. Sometimes I wonder what God is thinking but I know He sees the whole movie and I just see the current frame. Very excited for you! And boo hiss to anonymous negative comment authors!
God bless you Sandy - and He is isn't He? You are dead on when you say that children are a blessing - whether you have 1 or 15 each one is different!
I am praying for you guys and thank you for your testimony to stand up to the ridiculousness of some people!
have a great day!
I'm 19, and people are absolutely disgusted that I am having a child so early, despite being married, having a great financial situation (for the time being) and no major life issues right now. I think in these peoples eyes there is never a good time to have a child.
Baby #1 is due in two months, and people are already telling me I won't want another one after I find out the realities of my first.
abba12--I had my first at 20, and then two more, and I'm still not "tired" of having kids. Yes, sometimes reality stinks. My first was a high needs baby, trial by fire. And he was soooooooo worth it. All of them were worth the work and tears and pain.
Sandy, I already commented on this on facebook.
Whoever the cowardly troll is who decided to harass you about having another baby, shame on them. Doesn't matter if this baby is your last, or if you're only halfway done, this is your life.
I'm guessing you would have been just fine with a genuine question, or even an expression of disagreement done without the filth.
Regardless, y'all, this baby already exists and is already being nutured by a mother who is overflowing with love and faith and beauty.
Being 4 days postpartum, I am so emotional and weepy and over the top with hormones that I can hardly put a sentence together without crying. How am I going to cope with 2 babies? How will we afford daycare? will Audrey feel neglected? Will she resent her baby sister? Will I have time for both kids? Will we get ANY sleep?
I needed to read this so badly. So while you are personally responding to an anonymous commenter, I thank you for doing so. You have helped put things into perspective for my hormones.
I don't know what more that I could add in comment form, but for some reason I feel moved to throw in my two cents. Maybe it's the GF bond ;-) But here goes: Financial stability is never guaranteed anyway. And we are told very plainly not to worry about that because we will be taken care of. I worked for years to establish my career only to realize when I finally got it going that I hated it and that I was pouring every ounce of good into people who didn't give a squat about me while I was neglecting my family duties. We have struggled financially since I quit, true, but our relationships have healed and started to grow in ways that I never thought they even needed. Neither happiness nor peace is dependent on income. A friend just read me a quote from their Christmas program today: "Peace is not the absence of conflict, but in the presence of God."
--Erin's friend
I love you and all your babies! God is the one who opens and cloeses the womb. There is so mistake and Amen to you sister for being so willing to do what God has called you to be...be a rocking mama and wife! You really do inspire me...all the time!
Hi! I know we don't know each other from Adam, but I do feel a kinship with you. I have heard for the last two children that "you don't need anymore". I didn't "need" the first one, but God did. Each individual is only capable of that individual's pupose for God. Even those with the most "handicaps" are infinately important to God. He NEVER said I only need strong individuals who are perfect. He made a point of using ones that were not. I pray that God uses you and each of your blessings to do a wonderful thing for Him. God Bless you.
Sandy,
I started reading your blog when I saw my cousin was a follower of you and so I became a followe too . I want to let u know that you are completly in the right here. I too have been told in the past when I would find out I was expecting a child (one of my five) don't you know what causes that, When u gonna stop, My gosh, NOT AGAIN, ummm, lets see, oh yeah my personal favorite , U need another kid like you need a hole in your head. Well, Maybe I didnt quite need that hole in my head , and yes , I know what caused me to have children , but I would have to say there is a plan for this child as with any of them that I have had, I never protected my self against getting preg. with any of them , they were all sent to me , and God must have known I would have been better off with the kids than with the hole in my head . It bugs me to no end that people want to pass judgement on others for wanting or having a big family. I watch the Duggers for instance , and yes, while I can never imagine myself with 19kids and counting , I commend them for all they do for those kids, They live in a beautiful home , the kids always eat and are clean , but yet I hear people in my own family down them and say well they are living off the system , or this and that. First off , if you need the help from the system , I mean times are hard , then by all means get it. That is why it is there. But it bothers me to hear these things , exp when it is coming from someone who dont want to share their name. I know u don't know me Sandy, but I do admire you , I have read a lot of your blogs, you are an outstanding woman and mother . Continue to live and raise your children in God's word , brush off the mouthy ones, they are just jelous of the life you have. Know that you are well liked around this site.. I will pray for the one who wrote that.. I am sorry you have been put thru that , and CONGRATS on the new baby..
Sandy I am sorry this commenter said those things to you. Over years I have read your post and I have noticed how you count your children as such blessings, and how you put your faith in the Lord!
What great testimony is that you know, its easy to be the negative person who looks at the stress, or finical aspects but When we put our faith in the Lord no matter what situation we are facing God is always there with us. God doesn't wait until "you think you have everything all settled, the right amount of money etc... to Use you... He uses us.. every day and every situation..
Congratulations! Babies are blessings! :D <3
Sandy
I just love you, and i think that it is YOUR choice to have as many children as God allows you to. Its not how they were made, but who they were made for - shame on anyone for taking time to be so vulgar and disgusting. Blogs are not meant (at least ours) to be an open invitation of the few to belittle us or tear us down. I hope whoever said that finds their way in life...and feels shamed for their words!
love you girl!
Good for you for commenting. Children are such a WONDERFUL addition to our lives. When we stop looking at them as a burden and starting seeing them for the beautiful miracles they are, maybe we'll realize that. *sigh*
CONGRATS!
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